As I fell asleep last night, I told my husband that it had been the best day of my life. He smiled that smile that he frequently gives me because he never knows what I am going to say, but I think somehow in my eclectic-ness, he is amused.
I didn’t win the lottery. No new grand babies were born. No, it actually rained.
Every Friday I prepare for my social media modeling shoots. Sounds fancy, huh? It actually just means I go out on my patio with my tripod in selfie mode and take still shots and videos for my youtube channel, IG, etc. I’m sure my neighbors drink their coffee and yell, “Stella! That girl is prancing on her patio again!!” HaHa. It’s quite the spectacle, let me tell you. Last week I learned there is a 911 button on my new iphone that calls the police when pushed. It sits exactly where my selfie clamp does on my tripod. Yes, they came….. :0
Back to the photo shoot. It is no small task for a 51 year old to prepare for said shoot. Shower, exfoliation, blow dry, texture spray, 5 layers of make-up and spray tan….sheesh, it is comical. Then there’s the clothes pins and Spanx for all the clothes that really don’t fit that I try to make them appear they do.
I was quite deflated to spend the prep time and appear from my dressing room (fancy talk-just my bedroom) to find that my patio was filled with an unwelcome arrival. Rain. Wetness. Humidity. Baby fine hair destroyer.
Not one to easily give up, I packed my bags with costume changes and headed to our lakehouse Airbnb. It was turnover day to clean for new guests and I hoped maybe the rain would stop and I could snap a few pictures out there.
My husband arrived shortly after me, and didn’t blink an eye when I asked him to take some pics for me on the dock. It was still raining and he was surpirsed I was game. I don’t know about game, but I was desperate.
As we made our way to the dock, something magical happened. I suddenly didn’t care that my Texas pageant hair now looked like a shaggy dog. I was wearing a flowy flowered dress, the wind was blowing softly and my dock was now glistenening. I was on on a New York runway in my mind.
As I walked toward him, it just all felt special. He was trying to manipulate my Iphone 11, seeing as he has an Iphone 5, but then in all his concentration and seriousness, something about his countenance changed. As I walked toward him, a slow sweet smile came upon his face. I had seen it before. May 28, 2011. The day I walked down the aisle and he swore he had allergies. It’s ok, honey. You didn’t lose your man card.
That moment. That moment when he smiled at me and the wind blew gently, I felt the most beautiful I had ever felt in my lifetime. Years of self esteem issues, years of feeling like the ugly duckling, years of being made to feel that if I did have a pretty day-it was probably because I was trying to get the wrong kind of attention. It all slid away like the raindrops on the dock.
This year has been horrible, horrible with the pandemic; but in this year, something has changed in me. I have at 51, finally learned to love myself and wake up happy and at peace. My God has blessed me. My husband has loved me unconditionally. My soul has forgiven those who have hurt me and I love that I can be finally free.
I am doing things now that no doubt some of my friends think are crazy. I started a youtube channel. I post modeling pictures on IG, haha-still makes me giggle. I had a TIkTok go semi-viral. And this week, a casting director of a major network saw some of my work and called me. Yes, she was legit. I auditioned at her request for a reality show. Odds are a million to one that I won’t get chosen and I honestly don’t care. It’s just the fact that at 51, someone sees something in me. I see something in me.
I am not the most beautiful. I have so many flaws I started a youtube channel to share my tricks, haha. But I am happy and free and finally, FINALLY, feel happy in my skin. And yesterday, that rainy day that almost ruined my photo shoot… that was the best day of my life.
